The transition from autumn into winter is an interesting time in the English calendar. We move from celebrating maypoles, abundance and random Mondays off work to darker topics like the gunpowder plot and the shocks and scares of Halloween. All the rampant commercialisation can feel wearying – and the events rather meaningless. However, if you’re looking for something a little different for 2019 there is another way to approach this time of year.
All Soul’s Day
I am a Christian and so the church calendar tends to have more relevance for me, particularly around Halloween which is not really my thing (perhaps apart from the potential for pumpkin pie..). Instead, I prefer to focus more on All Soul’s Day, which usually falls just after October 31st. This year All Soul’s Day is 2nd November, which is a Saturday. In the tradition that I am used to this is a time for remembering those who have died and taking a quiet moment for personal reflection. The names of lost loved ones can be read out in church so that a sense of remembrance can be shared. This may sound maudlin but it is actually a prime example of how comfort can be found in community.
Death is not a subject many of us talk much about these days and most of us prefer to block it out. Although we all lose friends and relatives at some point, we rarely stop to sit and take the time to remember them. Maybe there just isn’t time – or perhaps it’s too painful. I feel that this is an essential part of the process of grieving but one that is often lost as we all seek to get as far away from uncomfortable emotions as we can. For me, since my father died, All Soul’s Day has been an annual moment to remember him and this is something I have found profoundly comforting. It seems especially poignant when it comes at the mid point of autumn too, which is a season that combines both nurturing for the season ahead and letting go of what has gone.
Tackling the uncomfortable topics
Although the way that modern Halloween embraces an uncomfortable topic like death – often by trivialising or glamourising it – doesn’t really work for me there is still an important message in there: how do you cope with loss and letting go? Before the apple bobbing and trick or treating, just like All Soul’s Day, the origins of Halloween are thought to have been about remembering the dead. This time of year is also frequently associated with a different type of death – Halloween is linked to the Celtic festival of Samhain, which comes from the Old Irish for ‘summer’s end.’
Either way, if you don’t want to dress up as a zombie it’s an opportunity to acknowledge the various endings that pepper our lives – and which make it such a rich and interesting experience to live – as well as the coping mechanisms we can develop for loss. That could be a physical loss or moving on from a job, old habits or a mindset that has held you back this year. Perhaps part of the process may be taking a new approach by joining a support group or working with a coach like me.
As festivals go, Halloween is an odd one that tends to divide opinion but I think that there is something here for everyone. It’s a great moment to sit and reflect on the people who have come and gone from our lives and to feel the comfort and gratitude that often follow. It also represents an opportunity for change – personally or professionally – if we embrace the theme of loss and letting go. You may choose to do that in church or dressed up as Morticia Adams – the medium isn’t important, it’s the act of doing that is.