Lockdown isn’t yet over and won’t be for a while. But it feels like it’s been a long ride already.
How are you feeling? When I ask others this, quietly, not publicly, the first response goes to feelings of disorientation. Some of the words I hear are around feeling exhausted, emotionally drained, not being able to concentrate on anything for too long. Do you too feel like your brain is in a fog half the time? If so then you’re not alone. From intense dreams to insomnia, constant anxious activity to total lethargy, the range of experiences we’re having during this time is complex and diverse. This is really not surprising since we’re in shock, trying to make sense of the situation we’ve found ourselves in. Nothing’s certain, there’s no timeline or ‘home’ to return to where everything is as it should be. All our societal, civic and economic systems are under strain, and so we’re unrealistic in expecting to be able to function ‘as normal’. We’ve taken on and adapted to massive changes in the last few weeks, accepting restrictions, and learning, really very quickly, how to make best us of connecting digitally. Our new world of Zoom is wonderful, but intense and tiring.
An emotional whirlpool
On a personal level I have run the gamut of emotions in the past month or so, including those just mentioned. Early on my husband contracted the virus but I did not – cue worry and anxiety as well as guilt (that I was fine). When shops and restaurants were closed my daughter’s business looked like it might struggle, which was an intense period of concern for us. She then adapted and started doing home deliveries, creating a new workflow for the business, and there was joy and hope. Then there have been the feelings we’ve all shared – confusion over why lockdown took so long to implement, anger over PPE shortages, immense gratitude for the NHS, relief when the government announced support for individuals and businesses. It’s been hard to concentrate on anything and many of us have been deeply unproductive, constantly planning all sorts of activities but achieving very little in a day. And above all this has been the ongoing uncertainty and the range of feelings that creates.
Can some good come of it?
So on the other hand… I don’t mean in the ‘write your novel now.’ ‘get seriously fit,’ ‘renovate your kitchen’ kind of a way (although those all cross my mind), these types of transformation are pressures that aren’t really necessary right now. Instead, I think there are other ways that we can approach this situation and which will allow us to process the feelings and find new, helpful perspectives.
Let’s Pause - and again
This is a rare moment to pause. Most of us have to stop right now – we don’t have a choice. Instead of fighting against that, I’ve been trying to surrender to it. One of the things I’ve been really glad to do is walk every day. Last evening, which was when I did my daily walk, I was just enjoying the sunshine, when I spotted giraffes! We’ve moved to the countryside but I had no idea that I’d actually see giraffes - in a field. On other walks I’ve seen sheep, rare breeds of cows, llama, horses. All of which have been there all the time it’s just I haven’t taken the time to find them.
Going slow, walking, pausing is providing me with an opportunity to find out what brings me joy, what makes my heart sing, to notice my own impulses and feelings and reflect and meditate on where I am and what that means to me.
In this space I can also make room to listen to others more. One of the things I notice when I intentionally pause with others in a group is how much we value hearing ourselves in other’s stories, how much really listening to others helps, and how uplifting it is when we all feel genuinely heard, appreciated, not judged.
It’s the perfect time to nurture self-compassion. Our society is not structured for self-compassion and much of the messaging we receive is counter intuitive to this. Added to that for many of us now without work, income, goals, activities and socialising to justify ourselves it’s a hugely challenging time. It’s also the perfect moment to let self-compassion in. It’s not usual for us to focus on ourselves, we’re more prone to orientate towards others. So in this time I am trying to develop self-compassion, to allow it to heal where I feel inadequate, lost or scared and to give myself empathy, and then as and when the time is right I can do the same for others.
Patience comes into its own. Recovery from this crisis is going to take time, whether physically, financially or emotionally. Being patient with ourselves, circumstances and others is a skill that all of us can learn and benefit from right now. It’s also the fastest road to recovery because it will ensure we’re not constantly frustrated by challenges and obstacles because we want to move faster.
Although the pandemic is making life hard and all of us have gone through some difficult processes I do believe there is also space for positivity. Let’s make the most of this inner journey because we have the chance to reflect, meditate and ponder. In many ways I don’t want to forget what this is like - time to stand and stare, go slow, not have to be anywhere else, taking the time to feel connected to everyone else on planet Earth. It’s a rare gift if we choose to see it that way. As I reflect, I’d go further and say it’s essential we stay connected and continue to see the Planet as one place, where we all live and share responsibility, from wherever it is we’re planted, for its flourishing.