The power of sharing a 4 minute pause

 The 4-minute shared silent pause

How to use it and its transformational power at work

Recently, I’ve really noticed the power of the 4-minute silent pause.

It’s my habit to start every coaching session with a 4–minute silent pause.  I do this to give my clients a chance to drop what they are carrying before we start. Maybe that is the sheer busy-ness of life, the pressure to meet deadlines or recover revenues. Or it could be this relentless pressure we feel to be seen to be busy. 

 Putting aside distractions in the 4-minute pause creates a gap.  A gap which is needed to be ready for a coaching conversation, especially when online back-to-back meetings mean we are constantly active without actually going anywhere.  

 By pausing for 4-minutes I literally see people relax, shoulders go down, breathing is slower.  I know then we are both feeling calmer and ready to work together.

 A quiet habit worth shouting about

 The 4-minute pause is more than a vital gap though. In the last month particularly I’ve noticed that after the 4-minutes every client has realised something bigger, wider, deeper, more profound than they’d expected, and they have trusted themselves to explore their thinking in our meeting. 

 Arrive : Pause : Go

 A pause is by definition between two states; we arrive at a pause from whatever has come before, be that rushing, pressure, high octane performance, important interactions, problem-solving, quiet contemplation.  We leave having regained perspective and the capacity to move again.

 I took this insight to coaching supervision where we also start our sessions with a 4-minute silent pause.  In ‘my’ 4-minutes I understood with the sudden clarity characteristic of these pauses that this quiet habit is so powerful that is has to be shouted about and spread far and wide.  The interaction that followed on from this 4-minutes, as always, is important.  It builds.  I’ll come back to that.  First of all, this is how it works:

 Step 1: the transformative potential of the 4-minute shared silent pause requires the right set up

 Ah!  In all my examples, it is a shared pause.  It is intentional. As the coach I have set it up, held the space, managed the time.  The other person has permission to let their thoughts wander, there’s no instruction to focus, or be mindful (that’s for other, perhaps more individual personal time).  Beyond a calming minute to breathe 4-minutes is enough for new thoughts or ideas to pop up, however tentative. 

 The 4-minute is in silence, although it’s not really silent. As we discovered in lockdown we notice more in the quiet, especially shared quiet; variety of birdsong, rustle of leaves, warmth or chill, background hums. Our eyes can go soft, unfocused, can close.  The internal clamour in our heads can be deafening but 4-minutes allows the noise to quieten down.

  Step 2: enquiring and questioning after the 4-minute shared silent pause

 I ask, ‘what would you like to notice?’ and then ‘anything else?’ Gentle questions are needed because a fledgling idea needs to come to light, it’s still tender, and it will probably change as we articulate it and give it form.  As a coach, it’s my role to keep listening, to follow where someone goes as they start talking, there is no right or wrong.  The client rarely says what I thought they might, and they often surprise themselves.  The thoughts take shape, get reflected upon and explored. 

 Step 3: noticing how much has gone on in the 4-minutes

I have really noticed over the last month how much actually happens.  It’s quite extra-ordinary because the time hasn’t been ‘managed’.  My clients have articulated rich, wide-ranging, colourful, plentiful pictures that hold all sorts of connections, meanings, ideas, possibility, interesting options. 

 Step 4: The anecdotal evidence – seeing the 4-minute shared silent pause work in practice

I’ve noticed that the outcomes from these 4-minutes result in a far bolder path than the individuals had expected.  And every time the path has honoured their integrity. This is so liberating and feels ‘right’.  It certainly affects their tone, their leadership, their impact on others and has the potential to echo out into their organisations. 

 For example, while working with one client in a local deli, her pause had caused her to gaze to light upon two (cook) books with ‘pure’ and ‘drift’ in the titles. This opened the door to some extraordinary insight into strategic direction and allowed for course correction that was extensive and ideally timed. Another client noticed the joyful smell of coffee, which fed into a discussion about managing people. This led us to what a ‘difficult’ employee might enjoy and value and a way for her to avoid a destructive confrontation. I also work with clients in a retreat space at my house and, here, one client used her pause to drink in the views. This revealed a deep internal knowing that she wasn’t thriving in her job – and opened up the potential of a new career direction.

 Why I believe so passionately in the power of a 4-minute shared silent pause

 I’ve seen the transformation in people in front of my very eyes.  It’s no coincidence, it happens every time.  It is not difficult, but it is a practice that needs to become a habit.  One where you hold your nerve to keep silent for 4 minutes.

 As a coach it’s my job to help that happen and to champion the power of this pause so that anyone can benefit. Of course, that’s a challenge in a world where solutions are sold to us as the loudest voice in the room. However, if the past couple of years has taught us anything it’s how important it is to listen to each other and to act on our own internal wisdom. This requires the give and take inherent in a shared silent pause.  But it only takes 4-minutes. 

Solvitur ambulando - ‘It is solved by walking’

Several times this week I’ve gone for a walk with coaching clients. It wasn’t particularly planned, but each time we discovered new perspectives that we wouldn’t have found if we’d sat down indoors together.  I know those insights will already be loosening what seemed to be knotty problems. 

Solvitur ambulando, translated as ‘it is solved by walking’ is often attributed to Saint Augustine to describe a problem being solved by a practical experiment.  It’s an ancient tradition that we are beginning to reclaim as a way of helping restore mental well-being. I adapted the idea some time ago when I began walking coaching with clients in London art galleries and museums, and then outside along the Thames pathway, and then off the beaten track to find urban farms, old walkways, tiny churches, quiet spots hidden in plain sight.  It was definitely experimental.  Even the suggestion to get out of the office was novel!  It always worked though.  I can recall many of the ah hah moments clients had because I know where we were at that moment.  The shift in the environment, the natural metaphors that are all around us when we’re walking, the different pace, the movement of walking beside each other all contributed to seeing new possibilities for whatever it was we were working on together. In the last couple of years I’ve adapted the idea to walking and talking on the phone while the pandemic has kept clients physically distanced.

I’m not sure what prompted several walking coaching times in one week.  At some deep level, maybe conscious of the turmoil in the world, I sensed we were more prepared than usual to be bold, to experiment, to know the truth of that old adage, ‘if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got’ and so were ready to make changes, to work in a different environment.

Once out in the fresh air, walking, the conversation flowed in new ways: 

·      I had to know the route and gauge the time, but other parameters weren’t fixed.

·      The rhythm of walking slowed our breathing, calmed any anxious thoughts and opened up new thinking.

·      The big skies served as a metaphor for new possibilities.

·      Walking the perimeter of a wood and then a field meant we could view the same issue, the content of what we were working on, from different points of view which brought clarity.    

Walking intentionally like this several times in one week has prompted me to think how extra-ordinary the coaching relationship is:

·      In this case, we literally steadied each other when it got muddy and slippery several times.  That was a great leveller and any imbalance between us, real or imagined, went. Mutual trust is distinctive in any coaching relationship but was really evident on these walks.

·      We were away from the usual comforts and there was no chance of keeping up any appearance.  That rawness not only helped us to work well together but it enabled us to imagine what life is really like for others involved in the issues we were working on.

·      While we were walking we were fellow travellers and there were interruptions as we negotiated fallen trees, dog walkers, the occasional narrow path and the odd rain shower.  Our individual responses and our shared walk gave us much more to talk about as we related the experiences back to the content of the coaching conversation.

We definitely freed up our thinking by walking, it wasn’t neat at all, but the breakthroughs and insights were rich and memorable.  I also truly appreciated the kindness that we showed for each other.  I felt that, in a week where we’ve been shocked to our core, those walks were full of hope.  It’s not fanciful to say they nourished not just us, both those others we have then gone on to meet and are impacted by our thinking. 

Craving time to yourself

Craving time to yourself

Professional change has been the theme for almost all of us recently with working habits shifting, whether that’s moving to a remote basis or to being held to different timetables and standards to accommodate COVID-19 driven precautions and demands. The past year has seen entire workforces grounded at home and this has been a different experience for everyone. Many people have described the pandemic as ‘the greatest experiment in home working that we’ve ever had’ and it has certainly been a time in which we’ve been able to push the boundaries of what’s really possible and establish new efficiencies, innovation and norms. But for many people this has meant a new kind of pressure due to all activities taking place in one location - and as a result you, like many of us, may now be craving time to yourself.

The pros and cons of home working

All of us have our own view of home working and it’s very situation dependent. If you are new to your role or live on your own then you may have had to face challenges such as loneliness and feelings of isolation. If you’ve been home schooling and/or have a very busy household then the lack of peace at home could have been the issue. These are some of the pros and cons of home working that I’ve noticed coming up over the past year:

●      Cons: difficult feelings, such as sadness and loneliness, especially in terms of being cut off from the social element of going into the office. Low motivation - every day feeling the same and the responsibility for structuring your own working day becoming a burden. Uncertainties over the future, including career progression and redundancy. Being constantly ‘on’ - remote working has often meant that office hours have gotten longer and there is no opportunity to switch off.

●      Pros: the opportunity to take more control over your life and work in a way that suits your priorities. Much more flexible days and more options for fitting in exercise, relaxation etc. Being able to avoid the daily commute and what can sometimes be unhealthy office environments. Spending time in a home that you love and/or being more present with the people within it.

The Space - time just for you

Wherever you sit on the question of home working - pro or against it or somewhere in between - there is definitely a need that many of us feel right now to have some time just for ourselves. This may seem counterintuitive given that home working for some of us has been entirely about our own company. However, with work encroaching more into the home space that ‘me’ time is being increasingly excluded. Many of us don’t even notice this happening, other than an underlying feeling of tension or anxiety. This is something that one of my guests at The Space has found to be true - at the end of the experience they told me ‘I didn’t know how much I needed this until I got there.’

The Space is somewhere you can book into as a way to access the time just for you that you might be craving. Here you can take a day to yourself in a peaceful, mindful space that is away from the distractions at home. It’s an opportunity not just to relax but also to reconnect with yourself and rediscover and enjoy your own company. This may mean simply sitting in peace and being quiet or it could be thinking time or the opportunity to walk and contemplate.

For almost everyone who comes there is a thought or question that they need to sit with and ponder. Many also request an hour’s conversation with me to work through this, develop their thinking, enjoy the benefits of the presence of an active listener who can also provide validation to plans as they are vocalised. Whether you have a vision you need to refine - or you simply need time away from a busy home so that you can really breathe - The Space is a unique experience and a beautifully curated space that allows you to do just that.

Creating The Space

Orchard Lodge

I have really enjoyed creating this spot which I’ve called The Space, and as I was doing it I imagined how special it would be for anyone coming to find some peace and tranquility in the midst of everyday life. Please do get in touch if you’d like to know more, but here’s an introduction:

The Space at Orchard Lodge offers the opportunity of a physical getaway to a space that is available to, and for, you. And only you. If you’re feeling you just need some time to yourself, or perhaps slightly overwhelmed, even exhausted after all we’ve been through, or perhaps unable to think about the future with much clarity then this is a retreat where you can create much needed space for yourself. Stay, retreat, rest, write, think, sleep, walk and reflect in warm, calm surroundings that have been intentionally designed to help you make more space in your mind and your life.

This is a retreat with a difference – come and spend the day here or stay at for 2, 3 or even 4 nights during the week and explore the surrounding area, including the village of Owslebury and the South Downs National Park. During your stay I will also be available to provide personalised coaching sessions. The Space is where you will be able to clear your mind, reflect, rest and leave revitalised – you can find more information about it here.

Remote coaching sessions are also now an option

In the past I have mainly practised my coaching in person but recently have moved to a more flexible model that allows for both in-person sessions and also remote coaching, via Zoom and other platforms, as well as over the phone. This is an incredibly effective way to deliver the coaching experience, not least because it can be flexibly fitted around your life. My coaching is specifically designed for navigating times of transition, such as those that we’re in right now. I have 20+ years’ experience supporting clients when it comes to moving gracefully through periods of change and using the power of Pause to change the climate around us in a positive way.

Coaching is all about finding your ‘why’ and unlocking energy, potential, goals, and a real sense of purpose and fulfilment. I have helped people from all walks of life to make sense of disruption and confusion and find new opportunities to grow. Zoom coaching is ideal for the way the world is right now – a regular, convenient check in that will help to refocus your perspective, create the space you need to think and feel, and ensure that you’re following the path that is right for you.

Whether you crave physical or emotional and mental space right now, I can help. Get in touch if you’d like to find out more about either The Space or online coaching.

Is Coaching for you?

Is coaching for you?

The process of coaching can be transformative. It is designed to help you connect to yourself and, with the support of an experienced coach, to seek out the inspiration and next steps that will take you from where you are now to where you really want to be. You don’t need to be struggling or suffering to benefit from coaching - although it can be useful during those times - because coaching is about achieving sustainable change wherever you are in your life right now. It’s a very practical process, one that you can work through to achieve the vision or goals that you set at the start. If you’d like to find out more about whether coaching is for you then read on…

What is coaching?

The specific answer to this will be different depending on the coach that you choose to work with but, in general, it is a supported process for achieving targeted change. It’s different from therapy, for example, which is much more focused on the past and it’s not the same as mentoring where the flow of information is coming from the mentor to the mentee. The type of coaching I offer is also distinctive from counselling (which tends to be focused on the past) and from life coaching too. What I do, specifically, is to provide you with the space to think. And I am right there thinking with you. The focus for most clients is their life at work and within this sphere we might be looking for insight and understanding, or a new path ahead. I bring 20+ years of listening and thinking with clients to the coaching table - a trusted and experienced perspective through which I can provide support, challenge and guidance in this area of your life.

How could coaching support you?

The coaching that I offer can make an impact at many pivotal moments in your life including:

●      Transition points, such as taking on new leadership responsibilities, a new job or a promotion, dealing with redundancy, becoming a parent, or retiring.

●      When it comes to your work role, for example with respect to developing more resilience in the workplace, helping to maintain a balance that works for you in your life and integrating environmental concerns. I have also supported many growth driven individuals who want to more effectively manage teams and nurture leadership.

●      At senior levels, locally, nationally and globally, I have a lot of expertise in supporting people who are expected to and need to focus on their own leadership in the workplace and how to expand and accelerate this area particularly.

●      The bigger picture; an evolving area of the work I do is helping people to consider the bigger systemic picture and how their work links into the climate crisis.

What are the next steps involved?

It’s important that you’re in the right space to work with a coach - this will look different for everyone but you’ll need to be open to change, willing to work with (and think with) your coach and able to put your trust in the relationship. First steps are usually an initial chat (this should be free) so that you can establish whether or not this coach is someone that you want to work with.

Where can I find the right coach?

There are many different searchable options, from asking for recommendations, to simply going to Google or using a platform like LinkedIn. You’ll also find plenty of directories that show a range of coaching options in your area, including The Trusted Coach. I have often found one of the best ways to connect with a truly awesome coach is the first one in I mentioned, via a personal recommendation from someone else you respect - word of mouth is a very trustworthy form of review.

If you would like to find out more about the process of coaching - and what it could do for you - whether with me or someone else - I offer a free initial chat.

Pause : Act

Professional change has been the theme for almost all of us recently with working habits shifting, whether that’s moving to a remote basis or to being held to different timetables and standards to accommodate COVID-19 driven precautions and demands. The past year has seen entire workforces grounded at home and this has been a different experience for everyone. Many people have described the pandemic as ‘the greatest experiment in home working that we’ve ever had’ and it has certainly been a time in which we’ve been able to push the boundaries of what’s really possible and establish new efficiencies, innovation and norms. But for many people this has meant a new kind of pressure due to all activities taking place in one location - and as a result you, like many of us, me included, may now be craving time to yourself.

The pros and cons of home working

All of us have our own view of home working and it’s very situation dependent. If you are new to your role, as a number of my clients are, or live on your own then you may have had to face challenges such as loneliness, even while at work, and feelings of isolation as you don’t yet seem that connected to your colleagues. If you’ve been home schooling and/or have a very busy household then the lack of peace or space at home could have been the issue. These are some of the pros and cons of home working that I’ve noticed coming up over the past year:

●      Cons: difficult feelings, such as sadness and loneliness, especially in terms of being cut off from the social element of going into the office. Low motivation - every day feeling the same and the responsibility for structuring your own working day becoming a burden. Uncertainties over the future, including career progression and redundancy. Being constantly ‘on’ - remote working has often meant that office hours have become longer and there is no opportunity to switch off.

●      Pros: the opportunity to take more control over your life and work in a way that suits your priorities. Much more flexible days and more options for fitting in exercise, relaxation etc. Being able to avoid the daily commute and what can sometimes be unhealthy office environments. Spending time in a home that you love and/or being more present with the people within it.

The Space - time just for you

Wherever you sit on the question of home working - pro or against it or somewhere in between - there is definitely a need that many of us feel right now to have some time just for ourselves. This may seem counterintuitive given that home working for some of us has been entirely about our own company. However, with work encroaching more into the home space that ‘me’ time is being increasingly excluded. Many of us don’t even notice this happening, other than an underlying feeling of tension or anxiety. This is something that one of my guests at The Space has found to be true - at the end of the experience they told me ‘I didn’t know how much I needed this until I got there.’

The Space is somewhere you can book into as a way to access the time just for you that you might be craving. Here you can take a day to yourself in a peaceful, mindful space that is away from the distractions at home. It’s an opportunity not just to relax but also to reconnect with yourself and rediscover and enjoy your own company. This may mean simply sitting in peace and being quiet or it could be thinking or writing time or the opportunity to walk and contemplate.

For almost everyone who comes there is a thought or question that they need to sit with and ponder. Many also request an hour’s conversation with me to work through this, develop their thinking, enjoy the benefits of the presence of an active listener who can also provide validation to plans as they are vocalised. Whether you have a vision you need to refine - or you simply need time away from a busy home so that you can really breathe - The Space is a unique experience and a beautifully curated space that allows you to do just that.

Signing off for the weekend

Signing off for the weekend

 I’ve listened to several conversations this week about how working from home has affected us.  Of course there’s the whole range from it suiting some very well and others really struggling.  I particularly enjoyed the comments on You and Yours on Tuesday https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000xf0s Many of the callers’ experiences resonated. 

 Keeping boundaries

Across the whole range of responses was the importance of creating separation between work and home.  That’s difficult for many, but can be achieved at least psychologically by literally stepping away from our laptops or phones for a few minutes and stretching our legs before starting the next thing. 

 So many people were missing the gap between work and home that the commute gave us.  Quite a few said how they are creating that gap with a walk before or after work.  One person sat in her car, on the drive, for a few minutes to make space for herself away from those others in her house who are also wfh.

Time to yourself

Near to me is a bridleway and I walk along there regularly to settle my thoughts and make room for the next meeting.  Gradually people are finding their way to The Space that I have which is perfect for a day’s retreat, or even a few days’ stay.  The range of things people come to think about it as individual as they are.  The thing they have in common is wanting to create a boundary for themselves – a place to think, write, study, ponder, enjoy their own company and get past the everyday interruptions to reach a deeper place of reflection and insight.

I’m learning from them and know that I too need to top up my reserves so I’m signing off for the weekend (which is my boundary from the working week, yours may be different) – hope you are able to as well – and come back next week refreshed and ready for whatever the week will bring you.

Time alone ... is important as we start socialising

Misty mornings this week - enjoying time alone

Take a day to yourself – 5 tips for making the most of it

A recent New York Times* article highlighted the importance of a having a day to yourself and what a gift it can be.  Several things chimed for me about the benefits of taking a few hours, or a day, even two, in my own company.  It’s restorative, and reminds me that I can manage on my own that I need to be undisturbed sometimes to think well and keep my focus on one thing, and to finish that one thing before going on to the next.  It used to happen in those ‘gap’ times between meetings, on train journeys, travelling to and fro.  Without gap times I can become a little irritable and scratchy for no apparent reason.  If that sounds familiar and you’ve lost sight of how to spend time on your own here are 5 tips I’ve found useful

1.     Be intentional.  Book the time in your diary and keep to it. Go away somewhere, it doesn’t have to be far, the change of scene is helpful in itself. I have begun welcoming visitors to The Space for a day, or a few days.  People use their time however they choose, but literally just being there is half the value.   

2.     Look forward to it.  Plan ahead, part of the joy is the anticipation.  It might be a one-off, or the start of a habit that will sustain you during our emergence from lockdown.  Not so long ago, I took a day to myself and chose to read back through my journal.  I’d been writing in this particular book for several years and I’d reached the last page.  It was the end of an era of carrying around that well-loved journal.  Reading it from start to finish helped me notice themes, the people I share life with, the things that bring focus, meaning and purpose to my life.  It was really uplifting.  You’ll find what’s right for you – I’ll do something different next time, but there will be a next time.

3.     Enjoy it.  It’s not a luxury, it’s needed, restorative, necessary for putting balance back into our lives and helping us return home with more capacity and openness towards others around us. What would be enjoyable to you?  I’ve noticed people coming to The Space like the simplicity of doing as they choose.  That could be walking at a pace they like, stopping and staring, eating at a time that suits them, spending ages lost in a book, writing, proof-reading, whatever their ‘thing’ is, getting up super early or really late, for once it doesn’t matter.   One time, I got lost on a walk, and I actually enjoyed working out the OS map (there wasn’t a phone signal) and finding my way back.  It was a sense of achievement and a bit of an adrenalin rush.

4.     Reflect on it.  That could be in conversation with a coach.  Visitors to The Space often book an hour with me which helps them to think.  They take the time to consciously notice what’s becoming clearer, what’s emerging, hear themselves think out loud, gain perspective and see what’s next. You can do this on your own too, in your way, but do capture your reflections somehow. Write yourself a letter, or a postcard.  Journal.  Write to others. Take photos.  Put the next date for yourself in your diary.

5.     Share.  Our moods are infectious, so be prepared for that moment when you get back to everyday life.  Think about how you are going to walk through the door, take that sense of space and clarity to others.  To paraphrase the poet, Marianne Williamson**, as we let our lightness shine through it gives others permission to do the same. It’s liberating.

* https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/19/well/family/alone-time.html?smid=url-share

** https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/17297.Marianne_Williamson

New pace of life

Re-entering life after lockdown - learnings and unlearnings

So, we’ve made it - at least here in the UK we have got through the full lockdown and we’re now entering the phase of ‘Lockdown Lite,’ as some are calling it. Are you excited? Ready to get back to life as it was before, full throttle? For many of us the answer to this is a resounding ‘no.’ There is an enormous amount of caution in the air as we start to get back to some semblance of normality - and perhaps confusion too. We have all lived a very different way of life over the past year, especially during the first half of 2021, and there is as much to unlearn now as there is to re-learn.

Re-entering a life that’s not as it used to be

There is plenty of optimism around right now - two thirds of small business owners forecast a return to ‘normal’ by the end of 2021 for example (according to a survey by business financial platform Tide) and approval of the government’s handling of the pandemic has significantly improved thanks to the vaccine roll out. However, in many cases this is optimism for the long-term as many short-term issues still persist. Plus, continuing this optimism depends on the ongoing success of the vaccine programme, continued financial support from the government and avoiding more long lockdowns. So, there’s plenty of uncertainty there and most of us realise that even a return to ‘normal’ isn’t going to be the normal that we knew before life became about staying two metres away from other people and always wearing a mask.

Learning and unlearning - where do we start?

●      Give ourselves space and time. The process of recovery over the next few months is going to be different for everyone. It’s essential to take a moment to stop and think about what you actually need right now. With this in mind I am running a Pause Hour on Thursday mornings via Zoom, which is designed to create an opportunity for your own insight and inner wisdom to come through. These are facilitated conversations with up to six others that will leave you feeling calmer, clearer and ready to act.

●      Practice compassion. Few of us have experienced the physical change that the pandemic has brought at any time in our lives previously. After a year of social distancing you might find it difficult to get used to being close to others again as the restrictions lift. Hugs, shaking hands, crowds, close queuing and kissing hello have all become taboo and you - and others - may need time to adjust to the more physical interactions of being human again. It’s essential to give yourself that time; be compassionate with your feelings, take it slowly and give others the space to do the same.

●      Accept that we don’t yet have the full picture. Although we now have a lot more insight into the impact of the pandemic there will be some things that we just don’t understand until we have perspective on it. There is always great wisdom in hindsight.. Patience is going to be vital in the coming months as we try to get back on track, on an individual, community and national level.

●      Start making plans now. If you feel ready to, this is a useful time to start looking at how you want to emerge from the current situation. There is no need to create a grand plan with bells and whistles. This is more about considering where you are - and what you’ve learned from the past 12 months - and putting in place steps that will help you to get to where you want to go next. If it’s become clear that a career change is going to be on the cards then I can offer transition coaching to gently and intuitively guide you through that time.

Change is the only constant in life but that reality rarely makes it any easier. As we enter another period of great change in the UK, re-entering the world is something that you need to do at your own pace, with plenty of time to pause.

Beyond Lockdown

Beyond-lockdown - an overview of the headlines

Here we are, April 2021. The past 400 days, since March 2020, have held many challenges as we all know - but there have been opportunities too. Perhaps you, like me, have found it hard to be separated from people you love and facing business challenges as a result of lockdown conditions. However, there has also been a surprising peace in the return to a simpler life, one where there are fewer cars on the road and we have all been forced to stay local. This has been reflected on a global scale as we’ve seen pollution levels drop and the environment reap the benefit of humans remaining in one place instead of in airplanes or on the road. Now, as the recovery begins, there is a big opportunity to take the knowledge of the past year to create a more diverse, equal and environmentally sound society that benefits from the recent lessons that we’ve learned.

The green recovery

A sustainable recovery from COVID-19 needs to be a green one - that’s the central messaging that we have seen over the past six months from institutions such as The World Bank and the OECD. There are many benefits to this - for example, a new study in Nature Climate Change established that we could avoid 0.3C of global warming by the middle of the century if governments invest in the right way, focusing on a strategically green recovery. Measures that ensure cleaner air as well as more effective waste management, enhanced biodiversity and healthier water boost the resilience of communities and reduce vulnerability to future pandemics. Plus they can create jobs, kick start economic activity and reduce inequality. So far, many government measures announced are falling short of the promises made where a green recovery is concerned but there is still hope that this will be prioritised given the many benefits that it offers. It is, after all, as President Biden declared last week, the ‘decisive decade’.

The issue of inequality

There are two stark realities that have emerged in recent months: women have borne the brunt of the negative economic and social impact of the pandemic and COVID-19 has made racial and income inequality much worse. Recovery presents an opportunity to rebalance the socioeconomic impact that the pandemic has had on these groups and to support a flourishing future. The spotlight of the virus has been merciless in highlighting where the inequality cracks in our communities are and this is an ideal moment to start addressing those to create a stronger recovery - and society - going forward.

What can we do, as individuals? Understanding what’s really important

On an individual level let’s review the impact of the past 12 months on our own lives. There is a sense that we have ‘lost’ a lot of time but the alternative perspective is that we have been given the chance to stop and consider what’s really important to us. That’s why this is such a valuable time to ask essential questions such as:

●      What has felt most important to me over the past 12 months?

●      What did I really miss - and what didn’t I miss at all?

●      How has this affected my values and outlook on life?

●      What do I want the next 12 months to look like now that the clouds are beginning to clear?

On a collective level - and individually - we are all at a pivotal moment for reviewing what has gone before and tweaking what happens next. If you are looking to make change in the coming months I can help guide you through it with bespoke coaching that supports your individual needs and goals.

12th April. Happy.... (in spite of everything)

Happy. I think I’d forgotten what it felt like.

I heard myself say that sentence in my head. A lot to reflect on! But, even at face value this photo captures so much. It was on Monday this week, 12 April, the first day of lockdown easing and being able to sit outside a cafe. With coffee in a real cup. I happen to be at Open House Deli with its focus on local sustainable food exemplifies how independent businesses have had to adapt and change during the pandemic, many successfully. Also in the photo, a banner for Bespoke Biking, a social enterprise specialising in helping more people to cycle which has become symbolic as a practical and much needed response to finding healthier ways of living. And Debenhams is in the background. So much more than a shop it has shaped our High Street and is the place so many of us relate to, and now it is closing down. A social commentary captured in a snapshot.

If you’d like time to hear yourself think and reflect on all the things that are going on for you, in life and at work, please get in touch either for a Pause Hour or for one-to-one coaching.

The Pause Hour - what is it all about?

Taking the time to get things in perspective

Taking the time to get things in perspective

The Pause Hour - what is it? A time to press pause -

- to collect your thoughts in the middle of something (as you would in a film to work out what’s happening)

- to think about what’s going on around you, think beforehand, be ready to move forward and press play again

- to make sense of your circumstances

- to allow you to see other things that you haven’t previously seen

- to notice what’s missing?

- it’s intentional, the antidote to busyness

What is it not? It’s not -

- Coaching, counselling, fixing, problem solving, task focused training

- A one-off

- A luxury

What happens at the Pause Hour?

A maximum of 6 people meet with me as the facilitator and I guide the session. The hour has a flow:

- Time is given to arrive, to notice the thoughts and mood you’ve brought with you, and to set aside whatever’s preoccupying you and the circumstances you’ve come from - they’ll still be there to return to later

We agree confidentiality so that everyone can make the most of the time together

- I introduce reminders of ways to pause - to listen, to be listened to, silence, to journal, to notice

- Everyone has the opportunity to be the focus of the group’s attention, to take their time to consider whatever it is they want to pay attention to that day

- We take our time to leave, ready to re-enter your world

How to prepare for the Pause Hour

- Look forward to it

- Make space before and after it

- Allow yourself the time

- Don’t overthink it

- Put yourself in the hands of the facilitator

Individual benefits of the Pause Hour

- Your capacity has increased

- Your clarity of thinking has grown

- You’re better placed to make wiser choices

- You start developing good habits and receive a reminder to embed those good habits

- You find yourself refreshed. Calm.

- Ready to ‘play’ again

Benefits of a group meeting for The Pause Hour

- Feeling understood, you’re not alone

- Guidance

- Good listening, not fixing

- Learning good practices, which are modelled

- It’s a space and environment that allows participants to go deeper / unfold more layers than doing it alone

- The power of talking out loud and being listened to - and accessing your own wisdom

- The generosity of listening you give to others - it’s a privilege to hear others’ inner thoughts

- The hour is focused, everyone is alert, attentive

Come once, come often, take the time to think about -

- Where am I now?

- What do i really want - at the moment?

- Your responses will be different each time

International Women's Day 2021 connects us across the world

Women in a remote Myanmar village wove this basket by hand from pallet strapping and now here it is in an English country garden.

This basket links me with women I’ll never meet and yet I feel connected to them because they created it with their own hands and I’m very happy to have been given it as a present and now treasure it and use it as part of my everyday life. This is a vivid and colourful picture that makes the point beautifully. I don’t know much about these women’s lives and they won’t know me at all, but I want to celebrate this gift today as a symbol of how we are all connected, and to say thank you to them. As we send good wishes out across the world on International Women’s Day it is a day to reflect on how we are all connected. How we think, speak, behave and live our lives ultimately impacts each other’s. It’s quite a thought, and one to take seriously as whatever we do or don’t do echoes round the world and shapes today and the future for one another.

Let's not rush

I paused in the company of two friends and fellow coaches today. We commented that an hour together intentionally slowing down opened up so much for each of us, that we’re the better for. The only thing we really needed to do was to have the time in our diaries, and come to the hour ready to enter into the possibility it offered. We didn’t have any preconceived expectations beyond knowing that it would be an hour well spent. We took the time to arrive into the space, we took the 4’ silence which I include in any coaching or pause sessions I facilitate, and were then ready to talk, listen, and explore our thoughts. As there were only three of us, I joined in too. I have come away peaceful after frankly rather a difficult week for a range of reasons. As I talked a new idea began to emerge about where I belong and a connection back to a long forgotten love of history - I actually blushed that, of course, it’s obvious, as I have a history degree! It’s time to look back into that. A year ago I moved house, as I’ve talked about here before. I’ve taken my time with some things and am only now reading some of the letters that I’ve inherited which had been stowed in boxes. They may link me back to a part of my own family story that I don’t yet fully know about. It was so good not to rush.

Pause : Act

Join me to Pause on a Thursday morning

Pause : Act

Slow down to notice what’s happening, for you, for others, reflect, before acting

Each Thursday morning for an hour at 9.30 I am pausing and would be glad of your company. When we intentionally pause, listen to ourselves, notice what’s going on inside, it’s extraordinary how we glimpse new possibilities, open up options, see clearly, and have greater insights into what we really want to do, and then feel ready to act. Recently I’ve been asking people what has stayed with them since they joined a pause session with me and inviting them to comment here. I’m looking forward to reading what they have to say.

Re : frame

What I’m hearing from clients

The working world has been changed forever by the events of the last year. Even before COVID-19 hit our offices and workplaces there was an increasing shift away from traditional career paths towards the need to look for new ways to launch a career, work, retire and live. However, this considerable mindset shift has now become even more essential and with so many people facing difficult situations such as redundancy the need to reframe our approach to what comes next is vital.

It’s all going to be fine!

When we talk (and often walk too) in coaching conversations I find that people can and do move well beyond the headlines. Of course the news headlines have to tell us ‘It’s all going to be fine’ but that’s really tough today as we start another lockdown, when yet more waves of redundancies are imminent, and we learn another chain is struggling; it’s Paperchase’s turn in the spotlight today. The strain on our mental health, our finances, and our professional career paths is real for us all, in our particular and personal ways. Let’s not compare. Instead, I find in coaching, where people have the space and time to think that we reframe the general headlines and take the pressure off. Rather than the toxic rhetoric of “it’s going to be fine” we talk about “it’s going to be different.” I find this is more realistic under the circumstances and that it creates the potential for many positive things to happen without putting pressure on anyone to get there right now and pretend that certain feelings or struggles aren’t happening.

Reframing redundancy or ‘retirement’

Redundancy is a big deal particularly because it’s usually not expected and/or not wanted. Perhaps you’ve been told by your employer that you are going to be included in the next round of redundancies and you’re trying to work out what that means for you on a practical level and what you can do next. Or maybe you find yourself in a situation of being effectively ‘retired’ from a career that you’ve been in for decades. Maybe you are losing a role that you have worked towards for many years and the disappointment feels overwhelming. These are challenging situations to be in and there is no quick fix. However, there are some steps that you can make to take action:

 ●      Make sure you have all the practical information. This includes leaving dates, redundancy pay, references, whether you can challenge decisions etc.

●      Allow yourself whatever feelings are coming up, that way they can be let go of rather than keeping them locked in, suppressed only to emerge later. Being ‘let go’ can create some very hard feelings at any age, especially if you are going to be an older jobseeker. From feeling like it’s your fault you’ve been made redundant to criticising yourself for being ‘on the scrap heap’ to ‘railing at the system’, there are some recognisable stages at times like this and some common themes and experiences to go through which are normal.

●      Look to the future. It might be hard to see an opportunity right now but there is one there if you want to create it. From getting to grips with technology that could enable you to start consulting, to applying for a grant to study, setting up a new business or starting down a completely new path these times of chaos and hardship can often result in better things.

Wherever you find yourself maybe right now you just need to create some space to pause, think and regroup - and perhaps get some coaching support to give you the perspective to reframe what comes next.

Working with a coach can provide essential support during times of transition and change. If you’d like to think things through with me, then please get in touch. It’s quite extraordinary what golden insights emerge when you are given the space and attention to think without being interrupted or ‘fixed’ in any way.